Okay, so here it goes…
The pettiest post known to man if my ex reads this I apologize a 1000x – You’re a great person but I low-key hated you!
I felt blindsided when things didn’t work out and typically I shed a few weeks worth of tears (I’m a Pisces so I’ll cry a river Justin Timberlake style) and go about my business. But this breakup my God that thang turned me inside out. I was all kinds of hurt…. Like call 911 someone has stolen her heart and bandoned it type hurt!
After I gave up my traditional job, I had more time to think about my life. I knew that my ex-boyfriend was doing well and we mutually respected each other.
But I was still bitter and it truly sucked! I felt like my mind betrayed me every time I thought about him. I wasted my precious brain juice thinking about my ex.
And deep down I couldn’t help but to wonder why my love was never reciprocated? The people that I wanted to love me never did and I didn’t love the people that wanted me to loved them. Things happen and relationships don’t always work out.
Nevertheless, I was annoyed by the whole situation: the highs, lows, heartbreak and reconciliation all of it just seemed over whelming. Love was an emotional roller coaster that I wanted off of. I am a super emotional person so if I let someone in my heart and things fall apart that rocks me like a uppercut to the jaw.
Strokes Fro and Sips Wine Slowly …………………………………………………………………
I was disappointed about going to bed alone and truth be told I didn’t want anybody next to me that I didn’t want to see in the morning. I get turned off pretty easily. In the back of my mind… I wondered if I could find someone I cared about again!
It’s natural to become mad over heartbreak because it doesn’t feel good! Wounds don’t heal easy.
Looking back, I recognize that I never truly hated my ex. But my personal disappointment was directed his way. Because I was still broken and unwillingly to strive for happiness outside of my his influence.
I did myself a disservice by wasting energy and time on sadness and regret. Once I let go of fear and hate moving forward was simple. The best investment I made during that time was learning how to love myself and forgive others.
I recently released an ebook on Amazon called Traces of my Black Lipstick.. It is a poetry book about life, love and everything in-between. In the process of writing this book, I learned a lot about forgiveness and healing and wanted to share some of the hurt that held me back from being happy.
It is my hope that this and ebook and blog can help those in the process of healing.
For those of you that don’t know! I am a LAMB. In honor of Mariah’s 15th studio album Caution coming out on November 16th, I selected H.A.T.E.U. as a befitting close to this post.
Please comment, share breakup stories, tips and follow.
Have an awesome day readers!